some field notes on melancholy

Intractable, pernicious, adhesive: I’m collecting adjectives to insulate my sadness, hoping that they will serve as a buffer against it. (They won’t.)

– The deep sadness one feels upon experiencing great beauty.

– The sadness one feels during times of social upheaval that are pragmatically but not strictly beyond one’s remedial reach.

– The sadness one feels when one is unsure but acts as if one is not unsure.

– The sadness one feels when one has exhausted all of one’s daily resources but not yet the temporal extent of the day.

– The solitary sadness one feels upon beginning or resuming a worthwhile journey.

– The sadness one feels upon closing off infinite options by making a choice, even a good choice. The sadness of abandoning potentialities.

– The sadness of tightly holding on to potentialities, and potentialities only, and feeling regret.

– The sadness one feels when living on stolen land.

– The recursive sadness of a writing exercise like this. The sadness of reflecting on sadness.

Photo: a rainy day in Toronto last November. (The sadness one feels on rainy days in November.)

 

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One thought on “some field notes on melancholy

  1. Dear Emma,

    Thanks for sharing! I understand some of your sadness. Rest assured that there are moments of joy, even though the sadness is present too. I care for you, and I hope that you feel better.

    Like

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